I did gain the weight – the weight around 25 pounds went right into my stomach, I found to my pleasant surprise being fat was actually great, I found I did have increase energy and I like how I look even though by stomach does stick out over my feet.

The bad news is that since I now have 25 pounds additional weight in my stomach the weight pulls on my lower back and I have lower back pain. I decided instead of losing the weight weight which I realized at this point would probably be next to impossible because my body has become so accustomed to being fat at this point, that I was recommended that I should wear a girdle. I set up an appointment with a corsetier who gave me some consulting and fit me in a long legged high waisted boned and zippered panty girdle. The support in my stomach area was great I no longer have lower back pains and I can stay fat with a firm flat stomach, as long as I work out 6 days a week.

I can’t believe there are more people with anorexia or bulimia than breast cancer. That doesn’t account for all the other women who are struggling with poor body image in ways equally as painful and destructive.

I struggle with an overeating disorder because of poor body image. Even though my work is strenuous and I run a few miles afterward… I feel that I haven’t earned the right to eat. I’ll starve myself until almost bedtime when, ravenous, I often consume 1000 calories or more in a single sitting. My weight yo-yo’s from periods of extreme bingeing to ‘perfect’ behavior.

All the while I spend all my time thinking about my body and probably at least an hour a day in front of a mirror loathing the parts I hate.

If I could change one thing about myself it would be fat talk. I hate hating my body more than I hate my body itself. I just want it to stop.

I’m glad my cousin posted this website on FB. I’m going to keep checking in and writing notes to myself and others. Thank you so much.

I am going to carry on the tradition and add a note to the bathroom down the hall.