NEDA Week Stories – Tuesday

During National Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2011, Operation Beautifulis sharing survivor stories to inspire, motivate, and help others realize they are not alone.  If you’d like to share your short story, please e-mail it to Caitlin at operationbeautiful@gmail.com.

Check out Monday’s Stories.

Lindsey’s Story:

I am a survivor, and every day it weighs on my mind that this life is a gift that I am not ready to give up on. I have been in the depths of the grip of an ED since I hit puberty. It started innocently enough, skipping lunch at McDonalds with my friends, watching the calories tick away on the treadmill and reading fashion magazines for inspiration. Had I known then that I was letting something evil creep into my life I would have done anything I could to protect myself. But it was too late, my eating disorder had grabbed on like a barbed hook tearing me apart and changing my life course for ten years.

But amid the pain I was blessed with family that helped me muddle my way through family therapy sessions and hospital stays until the treatment stuck. It was my workers that forced me to questions my beliefs that thin equated with better and my irrational fear of fat. It was my friends and loved ones that showed me my worth, and made me realize I was so much more than my outer shell. It was me, alone in a hospital room that screamed to my soul that enough was enough.

Today I am conscious that recovery takes work. It takes getting into the dirt and digging deep until you get to the root of what is feeding your eating disorder. Today I am a stronger version of my former self with armor to deflect societies messaging that thin is better. Instead I thrive on my health and the wonders that my body can accomplish. I am a work in progress and I am ok with that, and my recovery is something that is nurtured each and every day. Today I am me, and I am proud of it.

Meredith’s Story

When I was 13, I was 5’5 and a healthy weight.  My ballet "friends" called me fat. My ballet teacher told me I needed to lose at least 15 pounds before I could get my pointe shoes, which is the moment for every budding ballerina. Almost overnight, I went from a happy, well-adjusted teenager to a depressed, calorie obsessed nightmare. I began skipping breakfast, surviving on half a turkey sandwich with mustard and an apple for lunch, and a tiny dinner, usually consisting of vegetables and some grilled chicken. Oh, and there were about 4 hours of ballet class and rehearsals wedged somewhere in-between. I even joined the long-distance track team, in hopes of burning more calories. I will never forget one of my friends, Daniel,  pulling me aside in 8th grade and telling me, "You aren’t eating at lunch. You aren’t happy anymore. You need to get help."  But I couldn’t tell it-I was on a mission-to be the thinnest ballerina in the world.  But of course, that’s not how eating disorders work. They rip you apart from the inside. They belittle you-"You’re not good enough." They rob you of all the life you once had.

Then one day, when I was around 15, I woke up one morning and realized, this STINKS! I hate being unhappy. I am so much better than this. I quit ballet cold-turkey. I simply told my parents I wasn’t happy doing ballet, and they were surprisingly OK with it. I began exercising-in moderation. I started doing yoga, and began lifting weights. My appetite gradually increased, and I started eating more, to fuel my body. It was scary at first, but then it felt-good. Normal, even.
Much like an addict is always an addict, I will always have my eating disorder, and am even still recovering from it. It is so, so hard, but I know that I can do it—and that I am worth it!

Katie’s Story

I am 23 years old and have always felt not quite right in my own skin. I remember being in ballet class feeling too big and shopping with friends and feeling chubby. I also grew up in a non loving environment and longed for love anywhere I could find it. When I was a Senior my life felt so out of control and I turned to food as an outlet. I began restricting and purging anything I ate. I spent many years living in a very dark and lonely place. This Fall was the worst my eating disorder has ever been. My body was literally rebelling against me and was desperate for a change. A friend of mine sat me down and told me "Katie, you are made for so much more than this. You are missing it, life is passing you by and you are throwing away everything God made you for for your eating disorder." Those words did something to me, they moved me and scared me and most importantly they spoke louder than the voice of my eating disorder. That was it, exactly 33 days ago I took my life back and haven’t purged since. It has been hard that’s for sure, but the fight is worth it, because I was made for so much more. I know there is something on the other side of pain that is hopeful and full of joy and happiness and I am fighting with all I have to get there.

Sara’s Advice

My 2 best friends had eating disorders (anorexia/bulimia) in high school. I was only one they talked to during treatment, simply because I allowed them to come to me. Advice: be the listener, not the preacher.

Tiffany’s Story

I started starving myself while on a cruise, last year when I was 12.  I continued not to eat when I was 13. When I got back to school, stress made me feel like I shouldn’t eat. I would eat no breakfast, no lunch, exercise way too much for 2 hours, and eat a bowl of fruit for dinner.  I started to lose weight, and fast.  I tried talking to friends about it, and they said "why should I care?" and "i don’t know what to tell you!"  I started to get really depressed and felt like giving up.  I finally got help from my church’s youth counselor. I felt that I could trust her, so I told her everything. She talked to me for over 2 hours.  She still checks up on me every week to see how I’m doing.  Please, if you have an eating disorder, PLEASE get help. From a friend, family, or an anonymous hotline, get help! No one deserves to suffer.