Sharon: Learn to Love and Forgive Yourself

Courtesy of Sharon

I have just turned twenty-one this month and it is now beginning to "sink in". For years, I have dealt with issues of body image, self-esteem and self-respect issues. Since I turned twenty-one several weeks ago, I decided it was time for me to change. More specifically, I decided it was time for me to find a new approach on how I should view and treat myself,as well as how to channel my feelings based on how others (preferably loved ones) view and treat me. It is difficult for me to accept other’s love because of self-doubt. As if I do not deserve other people’s love because I am not smart, not good, not strong, or not good looking enough. This is especially towards my boyfriend, whom tells me he loves me; and there I want and need to try and understand why. Why do I feel this way? I know it is self-esteem and self-respect issues that conduct these misunderstandings.

I run every morning on a schedule and eat healthy and as much vegetarian as I can (my family opposes). Though, there are off days when I feel I am in a running slump or if I have eaten “way too much” when actually, it was a normal portion. So, when I feel “fat” because I have eating too much or I can’t run like I should, or somehow, “my thighs look and feel a little larger today,” mixed feelings of self-doubt and criticism emerge. The feelings vary and linger depending on the situation. Then, it is rare that I forgive myself for feeling those harsh feelings.

I have just finished reading Eat Pray Love and truly appreciated and enjoyed the author’s inspirational and incentive journey to self-understanding and self-love. From there, I was inspired to make a list of “To-Do’s”. This list will help guide me to my own happiness and self-understanding, which are two things I seek for in live. I hope to seize a journey that allows me to experience things I never thought I could possibly do, feel, or see. For example, I am a five-year runner, but never thought it possible to complete a marathon. I am also a full-time Interior Design student, and feel school is my life instead of part of my life. I feel, for the last eight years (give or take), I have been an overly self-controlling, never obliged in pleasure taking, punishing myself for eating that, and kicking myself for not running this morning, kind of girl. Surely, that needs to change. I need to know what I am capable of, in which applies to my education and life. I want and thrive to Eat Pray Love, and LIVE; and the only way to do that is to learn to love and forgive myself, first.

I know there are one too many girls in this world who suffer with self-doubt, self-esteem and self-respect. I hope for this post to keep remind and keep me motivated, as well as inspire at least one girl out there. Now, I will leave you with this, May we halt from feeling envious of other’s, instead appreciate and enjoy ourselves because we are and can be of many inspirational beings.