Binge Eating: Why You Shouldn’t Feel Ashamed
Courtesy of Angela from Oh She Glows
Each week I receive emails from readers who are struggling to let go of an eating disorder. A large number of these emails are emails about binge eating.
Binge Eating, or compulsive eating, is often triggered by chronic dieting and involves periods of overeating, often in secret and often carried out as a means of deriving comfort. Symptoms include:
- periods of uncontrolled, impulsive or continuous eating
-
sporadic fasts or repetitive diets
[Source]
I wanted to take a moment today to discuss my experience with binge eating as I think it is a topic that is often swept under the rug due to feelings of shame and embarrassment. If you have read my series on Binge Eating (The Unspoken Issue Part 1 and The Unspoken Issue Part 2), you may know that I struggled with it for many years.
My struggles with binge eating began shortly after I started to restrict my food intake. Before this, I had no prior problems with binge eating. I struggled with disordered eating for many years. I would starve myself, over-exercise, and count calories obsessively. It is no surprise to me now that I also struggled with strong urges to binge. Typically once a week (on the weekends) I would get the urge to binge. Sometimes this binge would consist of several hundred calories and sometimes over a thousand. However, the amount never mattered, it was the feeling that was associated with it.
I felt completely out of control.
Afterwards, I would feel so ashamed, I would cry, and I would vow to restrict my intake the next day- and weeks after. During this time, I was also dating Eric and I remember being so scared that he would find out. I was so ashamed I couldn’t tell him because I was worried what he might think. After a few years of dating, I finally got the courage to tell him why I was in a bad mood, and I just told him that ‘I really overate and now I feel badly.’ Of course, he didn’t quite understand the gist of what I was telling him, and I couldn’t expect him to because I wasn’t fully honest about it. It really put up a wall between us for a long time.
It took me a very long time to realize that I would always have problems with binge eating as long as I was still depriving my body of what it needed. In an evolutionary psychology course we learned that it is an adaptive response for our bodies to seek out large amounts of food when in a deprived state. It makes total sense to me now that my body was just trying to get food in any way possible!
You can only deprive your body for so long before it acts out in protest. My weekend binges were in fact a protest against my weekday deprivation.
My body had ENOUGH.
And so this cycle continued for a long time. It is such a hard cycle to break because after a binge the guilt is so high that the only comfort you can think of is feeling empty again and restricting your intake. The cycle repeats itself over and over and the person who struggles with it, sinks deeper and deeper into isolation.
I am here today to tell you that it doesn’t have to be like this. You don’t have to live your life with cycles of deprivation and compulsive eating. It is possible to beat it and to eat in a steady cycle.
How did I beat binge eating?
Two things were pivotal to me beating Binge eating:
1) I sought counseling for my eating disorder.
I tried and tried and tried to beat it on my own but I couldn’t. It is so powerful and the emotions and habits tied to an eating disorder are extremely hard to overcome without help. I always, always encourage anyone who is struggling to seek out a counselor. It was a major turning point in my life. The counselor I saw in university made a huge impact on my life. To this day, I remember fondly the nice things she said about me. I should write her and thank her, actually.
2) I stopped restricting what I ate
I honestly do not think that I could have beat binge eating if I didn’t stop restricting my intake. This took me a long, long time to realize and I hope to be able to save some of you some time too. When I finally stopped restricting my intake, I allowed myself to eat when hungry and I stopped counting calories and weighing myself. The hardest part was that I still suffered from binges even though I was not restricting my food! You know why this was? Because old habits die hard. My body did not want to trust me. I had deprived it for so long that I couldn’t be trusted, so even though I was now eating enough food, I still struggled with binges now and then.
This was extremely frustrating for me and I will admit, I relapsed a few times because of this.
However, the body CAN learn new tricks. It took me about a year to finally stop the binges even when eating normally. My body finally learned to trust me again and it didn’t feel the need to ‘store up on food’. I know for a fact if I was still restricting my intake, I would still be struggling with binges. It is an adaptive response, don’t forget. Another thing I had to realize was that the goal weight that I wanted to be was not realistic. It is obvious to me now that the weight I wanted to be at could not be achieved in a healthy manner because obviously I had to starve myself to get there!
Ultimately I had to pick one of two choices for myself:
1) To starve and try to achieve my goal weight and struggle with binges and all the horrible emotions that come with an ED,
OR
2) To let the ED go and to give my body what it needed. This meant that I would likely gain some weight and I would have to learn to love myself as I was meant to be.
This was no easy task, but I chose 2.
I can confidently tell you today that I am happier than I have ever been in my life and I know I would not be at this place had I not decided to turn a new leaf. Am I as thin as I once wanted to be? No, but I can tell you the happiness I now feel is better than any other feeling in the world.
We have to realize that each and everyone of us are different. Our bodies are different. Some people are meant to be muscular, some bigger, some smaller, some taller, some curvier, some shorter.
We have to find out where our body will be happiest. I believe that is one of the hardest things for a woman to figure out, but once you do you will never go back. We are all beautiful in our own UNIQUE way!
This post originally appeared on Oh She Glows as Binge Eating: Why You Shouldn’t Feel Ashamed.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I really don’t know what to say, other than, thank you. I have been giving myself several deadlines to quit binge eating, I have told people, and kept it secret. I have taken it seriously at times, and have pushed my ED away from me, as if it wasn’t a big deal…but I have to say that reading this article has made me take in a deep breath and realize that binge eating is real. It is what I do, and it is what I must not feel ashamed about any more. I need to pull it into the light and get it out of my life. I feel after having read this article that it is actually possible for me now. Thank you.
You deserve to feel 100%!! I hope you get the help you need and deserve.
Hi, it seems like I’m Stephanie #2, and I feel exactly the same way!
“Thank You” wouldn’t be enough to express my feelings at this moment.
I struggled with anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorders, and I still do. But this post gave me such valuable information and encouragement to really stop all these behaviors and find myself a happier, better life.
I still have multiple “fears” everyday, and I hope that one day, I will be as confident as Angela to say I’ve “overcome.”
i’d just really like to say thank you. sometimes, its really hard to put these kinds of thoughts into words.. especially because before the last few days, i didnt know that what i was going through was an actual eating disorder. i thought it was something that i was just going through on my own, and it was a terrible, terrible feeling. however, i still dont think its a good idea for me to see a counselor. to be honest, i live at home and i dont want anyone i live with to know about this.. it’s too hard to explain or to answer questions about. do you have any tips about what i could do to help my problem without seeing a counselor? i have to say, this blog is definitely a good start. it had made me feel a little better already. thank you
Remember that if you see a counselor at school, they have to keep it confidential so no one will know!
In the meantime, check out the NEDA website: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-resources/general-information.php That might help you.
I suffer from binge eating – since I was six years old. Now I’m nineteen, low self-esteem, and in recovery from self-injury.
When I stopped cutting myself in January my eating got exponentially worse. It is the only comfort I have and I don’t know what else to do. What you did, that is amazing advice, but it simply won’t work for me since I’ve been doing it so long. I guess what I’m trying to say is: to any girls who may see this story as a guideline and think it’s a foolproof way to quit binge eating, it’s not, and don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t work for you. Not everything works for everyone and sometimes you have to pave your own path. You know what happens when you pave your own path? Amazing sites like these.
It’s finals week at my college and I plan to put a few notes up tomorrow to maybe help ease the tension.
For me, eating healthy, nutritious foods worked a lot. When you eat the right foods, the cravings for the junk food subsides, as do your urges to binge. I would also recommend eating vegetable based hot soups, they make you feel full and satiated. Its important to banish ,,binge foods” from home and substitute them with healthy alternatives, like apples, carrots, etc. at the height of my binge eating, I realized I was binging out of stress; but binging is an only temporary relief, you have to fight with the root cause of the stress. Binge eating is definitely curable; as soon as you start to respect you body and don’t pay attention to what media regards as perfect, you will understand your body’s needs better and take more care of it. YOU are more important than anyone else’s opinion so listen to YOU first. Good Luck to you all, and don’t forget to exercise!
A perfect essay. My struggle with binge eating was very much like yours. Restricting, over exercizing, binging, hating myslef, starving, binging again, etc. I recovered by doing the same: ending my life of restricting. I kept from relapsing by understanding that I didnt need to compinsate after over eating; that our bodies amazingly re-kilter themselves if we just continue on and feed our bodies what they need.
This was perfect! Pretty sure God allowed me to stumble upon this site specifically so I could read this post. I have struggled with Binge eating for almost 2 years now, after having numerous years of restriction and calorie counting before that. Like others before, I had vowed to do this or that to beat my binge habits. I too had started to try and eat more freely, in that I was not attempting to restrict or with-hold food when my body was hungry. Still, because I have experienced both high and low weights, as well as restrictive and way over indulgent diets…I know I still don’t trust myself. So now, sometimes even when I am eating “regular” I worry it is a binge, because it is more than I previously allowed myself. Anyway though, these past few weeks had actually been a lot better…and I was starting to feel in a groove of eating normal. But then last night I had a HUGE backslide…and this morning I woke up feeling defeated, physically sick, and angry with myself. I truly dispise the habit and mindset that cause me to binge and then condemn myself for it, and yet telling myself I am still beautiful is so difficult after something like that happens. I agree with SOO much of what the author wrote in her post, and I think I am still struggling with the number 2 part. I absolutely want a healthy, beautiful body…the kind I was meant to have, and yet it is indeed difficult to let go of that ideal figure you feel you “should” be able to make yourself have. Thanks for the encouragement though…this site is pretty neat
I am estactic to see that the first step to beating an ED is counselling, concidentitly I have an appointment tomorrow for this exact reason. I have a binge eating problem and I couldn’t overcome it by myself. Everything you wrote was dead on, and it scared me and I felt relief at the same time- I am not the only one who fought this battle, and I will not be the only one who overcomes it.
Thank you, I respect you for telling us your story and your a beauiful person for letting others know how to become happy once again. <3
thank you, i really needed to read this.